No rule books for dads

We are very sure about fatherlessness, and that is a problem. Themba Dlamini shares how one radio conversation exposed a national blind spot about faterhood in South Africa. 

In many communities, the dominant image of manhood remains physical – protect, provide, endure, fight. These instincts are not inherently wrong. But they are incomplete.

Long before we had the social discussion about father absence, South Africa had already built systems that made it normal. Men left home not because they didn’t care, but because they had to. 

We know about the uniforms and stationery, but one of the most important things we can help our kids prepare is their emotional toolkit. In South African classrooms and playgrounds, children learn more than the curriculum. They learn how to handle friendships, face challenges, and build skills like communication, empathy, resilience, and problem-solving. 

On a warm November morning, a classroom at Zonkizizwe Primary School in Orange Farm hosted a different kind of curriculum: fatherhood. No chalkboards, no formal lesson plan, just men arriving with their stories, their children, and the quiet hope of becoming better fathers than the ones they had, or didn’t have.

On 29 October 2025, Heartlines, in partnership with the University of the Witwatersrand School of Governance hosted the Rethinking Fatherhood, Gender, and Masculinity in South Africa symposium.