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Sometimes, the courage try again is the greatest legacy of all

Father Wound , Discipline , Working with fathers , Being a father , Grandfather vs father

In Lutho’s family, fatherhood was shaped by survival and effort. Her grandfather’s parenting was defined by discipline and emotional distance. Her father tried to build on that legacy in his own way, carrying forward what he knew while reaching for something better. Now, as Lutho reflects on their stories, she sees how both men shaped her understanding of love, responsibility, and the quiet work of trying.

Lutho’s grandfather became a single parent when his wife died, leaving him to raise their son alone. His version of parenting came through structure, responsibility and preparing his child for a tough world.

"My dad said his father never hugged him or told him he was proud," Lutho shares. "But he taught him how to work. How to survive. How to carry the weight of being a man."

Her father took on adult responsibilities early. As the only son, he had to care for others in the household and contribute however he could. Childhood was brief, and softness was rarely shown.

A father who tried his best

Although he grew up without much affection, Lutho’s father made an effort to give more to his children. He was not always present for some of the big moments in her life, especially while she was in school, but he made sure his family was provided for.

"He wasn’t very present. He missed school events and [netball] games," Lutho says. "But he was always making sure we had what we needed."

When he was able to attend he was fully present and engaged. He took photos at award ceremonies, helped with homework and planned holidays. "For someone raised without affection, he really tried," she reflects. "He did more than he was shown."

Two generations, one effort

Lutho is not a parent yet, but she carries the lessons of these two men with her. From her grandfather came discipline and strength. From her father came effort and emotional growth. She sees the difference between surviving and growing, and she knows which path she wants to follow.

"There’s pain in my story," she says, "but there’s also progress. And I carry that forward." Their legacy may not be perfect, but it is honest. It is built on trying, on changing, and on giving more than what was received. Fatherhood does not have to be flawless to be meaningful. Sometimes, the courage to show up and try again is the greatest legacy of all.

David Nyland

David is a sensitive and intuitive copywriter with experience in marketing and advertising. He has a passion for crafting compelling content that resonates with audiences.

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