What parents should know about teenage dating

Claire, a youth leader who runs a Bible study group at her church, often finds that parents underestimate how dramatically the dating landscape has changed. She says that social media, peer validation and online visibility have a huge impact on how teenagers measure desirability and worth, which means their relationships are influenced by forces that didn't exist for previous generations. “Parents should be aware that what dating looks like for teenagers is very different to what it looked like for them,” she says.

“Teens' experience of dating from high school to varsity has completely shifted, especially with social media and the influence of friends on desirability.” She says that guidance no longer comes mainly from parents, and the change in family structures and dynamics are a big part of this shift. 

Through technology, teenagers now experience a level of independence that their parents only had years later. “Teens are super independent now – through social media, [e-hailing] apps like Uber and Bolt, credit cards on phones and constant internet access, they move through the world differently, and that changes how they date," Claire explains. That freedom can build confidence when paired with responsibility, but it can also expose teenagers to distorted ideas about intimacy and identity.

She adds that with that independence comes influences that parents cannot fully control, “Pornography still informs and molds teenagers’ brains and how they engage with men, women and sex.” However, she also points out that parents shouldn't necessarily blame themselves for their lack of control over what their teen is exposed to, “Your teen is exposed to porn culture on some level almost every day, no matter how intentionally you think you have raised them.”

Balance, not fear, helps teenagers grow

From her experience, Claire often sees parents responding in extremes – very lenient or very strict. “There are parents who have little to no rules around social media, curfews, friends, dating or even the use of Uber.” Claire feels that in order to get this right for teens there needs to be a balance from parents. “It’s unfortunate seeing parents who are hyper strict on their kids and try to control and remove as much as possible. Finding a middle ground really matters.” 

Kiernan, the new Youth Pastor of God First Church in Parkhurst, believes these extremes are often rooted in misunderstanding teenage motivation. “Parents need to know that their teens are not out to get them,” he says.

He explains that curiosity about relationships develops naturally as teens grow up. “Just like children develop interests and personality traits, curiosity about relationships develop too,” he says. He adds that “If your child is curious about dating, it's not to derail your plans for their life or to oppose you. It's part of becoming their own person.”

How parents speak about dating shapes how teens approach it

Language inside a home often determines whether a teenager treats relationships casually or with care. Kiernan recalls that his own parents spoke about dating with encouragement and respect, which shaped how he approached relationships long before he got into one. It made him want to date with intention and responsibility rather than simply because others were doing it.

Kiernan believes parental attitudes strongly influence how teenagers view relationships, “When relationships are demonised, teenagers often place less value on them,” he says. “If parents speak about dating as something threatening or irresponsible, teenagers will still pursue relationships, but they will do it in secret,” he explains.

Guidance works best when values are explained

Sandy, who mentors a group of girls from a local high school once a week, believes silence leaves teenagers vulnerable to misinformation. She often reminds parents that if they don't explain relationships, the internet and peers will do it for them. “It is always better to hear these things from your parents than from Google or friends,” she says, and urges families to speak honestly about emotional readiness, boundaries and consequences.

Conversations that explain why values matter help teenagers internalise them, which allows young people to practise responsibility, honesty and self respect when they face real life decisions. It's also good for parents to help guide their children when it comes to dating culture, as Sandy says: “Explain what is normal, what isn't normal and when to be afraid.” She also encourages parents to speak from a place of empathy about difficult topics. 

Why values are still the strongest guide for teenage relationships

Teenagers don't share everything with their parents, which is why trusted adults like mentors and youth leaders can play an important supporting role. Claire tells parents, “The reality is your teen is not going to tell you everything no matter how perfect you think you have raised them.” But she stresses that this doesn't mean parents have failed. It simply means teenagers are learning to navigate independence in a world that is different from the one their parents grew up in.

Stories like those portrayed in the Heartlines film The Bet, where peer pressure, school image and impulsive decisions complicate teenage relationships, often mirror situations youth leaders see almost weekly. They reinforce a truth these mentors see every week, which is that while culture changes quickly, values such as responsibility, compassion, honesty and self control remain steady guides that help teenagers build relationships marked by respect, wisdom and care.