How to support your child through exam season as a co-parent

If you add separation or divorce to the mix, this period can become even more challenging, especially if support isn't consistent across both homes.

Melokhuhle* is a 34 year old mom of two – her eldest is in Grade 7 and is eagerly waiting to start high school. At the beginning of the year Melokhuhle’s* was part of a two-parent household, but following a separation, she is now trying to navigate her life as a co-parent, 

Melokhuhle says that even though she recognises that her relationship with her ex boyfriend has changed, “I appreciate the fact that we have always shared the same goals, especially when it comes to raising our children. When we lived together he was the more hands-on parent, checking homework, helping our daughter prepare for tests and I was the cheerleader.” 

Now that they both have to take on the role of disciplinarian and cheerleader, Melokhuhle admits that at first it wasn’t easy, “We had to schedule our lives around our children so that we did not destabilise them; sometimes your feelings have to take the back seat.”

How to approach co-parenting during exam season 

Here are more tips on how to approach your co-parenting journey, especially during exam season, to ensure consistency and reduce stress, while keeping your child’s well-being at the center.

1. Put your child first 

Final exams can be stressful. Your child is being tested on everything they’ve learnt in the past year. During this time, they need to know that both of their homes are safe spaces where they can feel supported. 

2. Communicate with your co-parent and set a routine 

When you break up with someone, the last thing you want to do is to speak to them. But when you are in a co-parenting relationship, maintaining healthy communication is important not just for your sake but for your children. Start by having an open conversation about creating a routine that works across both households. For example:

• Set consistent meal times: Every day at 7:00 PM, for instance.
• Bedtime can vary for school days versus weekends: For example, Sunday to Thursday at 8:30 PM and weekends at 9:30 PM.
• Remember to also help set their study schedules: 3:00 PM – 6:00 PM , and a 30 to 45 minute break in between study sessions. 

This way, your child won’t feel like they have to adjust to a whole new set of rules every time they’re at their other parent’s house.

3. Encourage your child

It’s tempting to want to push your child harder, especially if they have not been performing well, but remember to balance this pressure with kindness and encouragement. Remind them constantly of their strengths and let them know that you see their commitment toward studying.  

Say things like, “I’m proud of how hard you’re trying” or “Let's take a break and go for a walk to help you de-stress.” By doing this you are showing your child that you notice their effort and it’s not just about the outcome. 

4. Share resources and support tools

Exam season often reminds us how important community is, and that includes your co-parenting team. Share tools that will best support your child, like past exam papers. Ask if your co-parent is noticing any signs of burnout or pre-exam stress, talk about it and decide together what support might help. Maybe it’s hiring a tutor or giving them the Friday night and Saturday morning off to sleep in or do a fun activity like hiking, or maybe even lightening their household chores for a while. 

5. Celebrate the end of exams together 

When exams are over, celebrate your child’s effort, not just the results. It does not have to be anything big or complicated. For example, if one parent is scheduled to pick up or drop off the child, why not meet at an ice cream shop instead? Spend 30 minutes simply acknowledging and congratulating them for their hard work. It could also be as simple as a video call from both parents; this shows your child that even with all the changes and challenges you may be experiencing as a family, you’re both willing to put your differences aside.

Co-parenting through exam season won’t always be easy, but it can work if you are both committed to supporting your child. Even if tensions exist between you and your co-parent, shield your child from that during exam season. 

If you are looking for more tips and tools on how to have a healthy co parenting relationship with your ex visit the Fathers Matter page or click here to get started.

*Name changed for privacy purposes.