Session 4: What is a father?

Facilitator’s note: You or one of the members of the group reads this section aloud to everyone.

Over the past few weeks we have shared some of our own stories about our fathers. We have all had different experiences. Some people have had close, loving relationships with their father. Others have experienced a distant, uncaring relationship with their father, or no relationship at all.

Now the question for us is, “What kind of father do we want to be?” and “What kind of father should we be?”

The research Heartlines has done shows that the positive presence of fathers is important for the well-being of children and for the benefit of fathers. This positive presence can be measured by the quality of the relationship and involvement between a father and his child.

Unfortunately, in today’s society a father is often just seen as needing to be a provider (or ATM, as the saying goes). But at a time when there is so much unemployment in our country, this is not always possible, and many fathers are left feeling like they have nothing to give their children if they can’t provide for them.

A father’s responsibility is more than to provide money – it includes love, reliability, availability and support towards his children. There is no substitute for spending time with our children. Even though we may have busy schedules, finding time to play and be present with our children is vital. We can learn to love the things they love and spend time doing those things with them in order to form a bond with them.

What changes do we need to make to be heroes to our children? What expectations do our children have of us? If we asked for a list, it would probably include things like: being able to talk to each other; showing affection; someone who protects us and makes us feel safe; someone who emotionally connects with us; someone who takes an interest in our lives, our schoolwork, sport and hobbies; someone who teaches us values and morals.

Are we meeting these expectations?

The Bible has a lot to say about who a father is and the role he is called to play.

In Ephesians 6:4 we read, “Fathers, take your children by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master” (The Message). What does it mean to lead our children in the way of the Master?

We also read in Proverbs 22:11: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” The way we live our lives and what we show and teach our children with our actions and choices matters.

Being a father is not easy, but it is an incredible privilege.