Session 3: Understanding our own father stories (Part 2)

Icebreaker (5 min)

  • What’s your favourite “dad” tool or gadget?
  • What’s your favourite meal to prepare?

Setting the scene (5 min)

Facilitator’s note: You or one of the members of the group reads this section aloud to everyone.

We all have to grapple with pain caused by our fathers. Your father may have been physically present, but emotionally absent, or maybe he wasn’t there at all. Your father may have given money to you as a way of showing love, but was not there for you physically and emotionally. Your father may have been physically and emotionally present, but he wasn’t perfect and still made mistakes that hurt you. 

This father wound shows up in our lives in different ways, like struggling with low self-esteem or confidence if your father was critical. Some people end up blaming themselves for their father’s absence and grow up feeling rejected, which can cause anxiety or depression. For others it can be struggling with their own anger and rage because they had a father who was abusive.

This time together can help us see our father story for what it was, how it affected us, and what we want to do to write our own story for our children.

Remember that sharing our stories with each other helps us get to grips with who we are, and how we relate to God and others. As we begin sharing our stories now, just a reminder to all of us to maintain confidentiality and to honour the person who shares by listening well.

Facilitator’s note: There is no video story this week.

Story-sharing (30–40 min)

Facilitator’s note: The other three or four men in the group share their father stories. Allow 30–40 min for sharing. If you have a group of more than six people, we suggest breaking into smaller groups for the sharing of stories.

Here’s a reminder of the questions you can use to help you share your story:

  • What type of relationship did you have with your father growing up? Was he involved, present, absent, a positive influence?
  • How has that relationship with your father shaped your own story?
  • In what ways has it impacted your relationship with God?
  • What’s one personal commitment you want to make as a father yourself?

Group prayer time (10 min)

Allow time for brief reflections on the story-sharing, and for praying for each other. (For big groups, divide into pairs and pray for each other.)

In this session there is no video so that you have extra time for praying into any specific areas of healing or restoration from father wounds.

Wrap-up (5 min)

Psalm 65:5-6 says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

In our journeys of healing from our father wounds, this scripture reminds us that God the Father has always been there for us. This can give us hope and encouragement that our stories are not defined by the absence of an earthly father. We can find our healing and strength in the love of a good, Heavenly Father. Let us continue to look to him for our validation and identity.

Action for the week ahead

Consider having a conversation with your own father about your reflections from this course.

If he is absent or no longer alive, you may want to check out resources on the “father wound” by The World Needs a Father.

Fathers Matter Christian Connect Group Core Module

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