Where are the safe spaces that teach men how to father?

When Fathers Matter Project Coordinator Lereko Mfono became a dad for the first time, he says that soon after his daughter was born, he remembers “looking around and seeing a team of women – there was my mom, her mom, aunts, my sister and sister in law – literally a team of women who gathered around her with support and advice. I remember looking around and there was not a single guy there.” Lereko recalls that even though his brother and cousin also came “there were no father figures to gather around me and it’s always an interesting observation to make”. 

Lereko’s experience teaches us that: 

• Fathers also need support – When a baby is born, not only does mom step into her role as a parent but so does the dad and he too needs a village that includes other men - dads, uncles, grandfathers and other father figures - to help support his journey. 
• Fatherhood is learned – a man doesn't just simply learn how to be a dad. It requires him to sharpen his parenting skills through experience and learning through other fathers who have walked the journey before him. 
• Men need father figures – Lereko’s observation about not having present male role models to help him navigate his new journey reminds us that men who are becoming dads or choosing to be social fathers also deserve recognition and support on their journey.

Don't be afraid to learn from other dads

The perfect father does not exist, and every father has something to teach. 

Which is why Blessing Molefe* who is  a father figure to Mathabo (4) and Kgosi (2) believes that “there is always someone that knows something that you don't know”. For him, surrounding himself  in spaces that value fatherhood was because he needed to understand how to raise a girl child “ When my sister gave birth to Mathabo, I don't know anything about raising a child let alone a girl child and I had questions that I knew I wouldn't be able to answer on my own so I sought help.” “ The fathers who have been on this journey with me have taught me that tantrums aren't personal and it is a common parenting experience that many uncles will also go through”. 

Join a hub in your area 

When a man enters fatherhood who is offering him a check-in? Who is guiding his journey? Who cares to know how he is managing? Where is the village that gathers around him? Now more than ever we need fathers and father figures that will allow other men especially those who are becoming dads for the first time the space to be vulnerable, to ask questions and navigate through the struggles of fatherhood with their village. Community Mobilisation Facilitator, Tshepo Sithole says that “it’s important for men to be a part of a supportive network such as a hub because it allows you to be in the same spaces as other men who have walked a similar journey as you have”. By joining a hub, Tshepo says that it allows men “ to start having conversations about where they are from a fatherhood perspective” and overtime “it becomes beneficial for men to be in these environments because it helps them become better men and ultimately better fathers and partners.”