THERE IS VALUE IN WAITING. And this waiting is borne out of the element of self-control, writes Rev Dr Mvume Dandala, patron of HEARTLINES.

“Self-respect is the root of discipline:  The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.” - Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Insecurity of Freedom: Essays on Human Existence, 1967.

The South African struggle for democracy was defined by the self-control demonstrated by black South African’s who did not seek to destroy a country in order to vent at the oppressor. They did not target resources, they did not sabotage the utilities, for they realized that an anger displayed in such a fashion would only lead to their own detriment should they be victorious, and find they have inherited a shell of a county.

If it were not for their restraint in their actions, and if they had in their frustration embarked on a full-on civil war instead of a protracted struggle, where would we be as a country now, after twelve years of democracy?

Many more thousands of lives would have been claimed, and instead of the benefit of inheriting a country that is complete in itself, with its challenges yes, but with the capacity to be fully-developed, South Africa would not have held the promise it does today.

Self-control permeates through every aspect of our lives, from the school to places of worship, our homes and our businesses. In a culture of ‘now’, where instant gratification is what sells everything from stain-removers to on-line educational courses and information but a mouse-click away, we no longer have to wait for anything and we’re drugged on the convenience.

But there are some things that are always worth waiting for.

The entrepreneur, who just starts out, faces what seems like insurmountable challenges and it’s easy to give in to greed and pave the path to a perceived success with the stones of corruption and questionable business practices.  But when that success is achieved with measured amounts of patience and the fortitude of self-control, it will be a sustainable success, one that will never be brought into question, one that can never be taken away from you.

A baby screams and cries when it’s hungry, for it is in its nature to do so, the instinct to survive so strong. And as we get older we learn the benefits of holding back, we teach our children to save their pocket money, so that the payoffs earned in the end are so much greater.

When we were young boys my father had an orchard and we would often climb the peach trees when no one looking.  There were times when the fruit was still green, but that didn't stop us and what ensued could have turned me off peaches for life.  As I got older, I got to understand that there is a season when the fruit is ready - ripe, juicy and sweet - and that the wait for something better that was coming, was more than worthwhile.

This lesson that I learned i.e. to stop eating peaches that are green applies to most life aspect - economics, sex, education.  School can be so painfully boring, but at the end of a term's hard work, when you get an excellent report, the joy that you experience, cannot be surpassed.

But we fear our own children losing these lessons in self-control.

HIV/AIDS, STDs, teen pregnancy – the negatives to instant gratification, and yet our children are subject to mixed messages from the images that advertise to them, stripping sex of its sacred nature. We must take them back to the lessons -  that there is value in waiting, that there is value in delaying-gratification, for when something is so easily claimed, how then can it hold it’s worth in the future?

And what of the vices we find ourselves kneeling to? Drugs and alcohol abuse; we use these as crutches to prop us up when we find ourselves faced with that which we can not control. And there will always be forces beyond our control, but it is our reaction and our response to these forces that is in essence what the value of self-control expounds -the strength of our characters and the might of our Will that goes beyond what life throws at us, that steels us against the most disillusioning of circumstance.

Self-control and the value of waiting; what a nation we could build if these defined our mindsets.

Rev Mvume H Dandala is  General Secretary of the All Africa Conference of Churches, former Presiding Bishop of the Methodist Church of Southern Africa, and is the recipient of the Presidential Order of the Baobab (Silver) for his peace-making role in South Africa.

MOVING WITH FELICITY

By Stuart Graham

There is a Hindu poem that the self-restrained man moves through the world with felicity, but in South Africa restraint is a value that is seldom practiced and experts on the issue are at their wits end about what to do.
Whether its crime on the streets, fraud at companies or people simply spending money they do not have, South Africans generally seem to lack self control.

Johan Burger a crime researcher at the Institute of Security Studies (ISS) says the lack of self control is because there is something wrong with the basic moral fiber of South African society.

“My own feeling from the research I have done and been involved with its that there is something wrong with the basic moral fiber of South Africans in general,” he says.

“This problem is so widespread. We find it in all forms. Most people gratify by calling it white collar crime and so on.”

Burger says even crime surveys fail to give a clear picture of how widespread the problem is.

“The problem of the lack self control is so widespread that it is difficult for a figures to give an accurate picture of what is happening. Generally you almost distrust any person you go to nowadays.”

There are only two ways of ending the problem, Burger says. Create a culture of ethics using churches and schools to re-educate people and have oversight and watchdog institutions in place.

“How achievable that is, is highly debatable but it will be a start.”

One indication of the lack of self control is evident in a fraud survey completed recently by auditing firm Ernst & Young. The survey found that 24 percent of the respondents had experienced fraud in their organisation in the past year.

Stuart Waymark, the fraud, investigations and dispute services partner at Ernst & Young says there is little will among companies to do anything about the problem.

“Despite the high level of anxiety – and 24 percent of South African respondents indicating that their organisation has experienced fraud in the last year – corporate will and actions to address the problem appear to be lacking.”

Waymark says just 32 percent of South African organisations have formal or documented fraud procedures. Only 21 percent of employees are provided with formal training to help them understand and implement anti-fraud policies.

“This finding demonstrates the shortfall of corporate South Africa in combating the problem of loss through fraud and corruption,” he says.

The survey found that one in five organisations has made a decision not to invest in an emerging market as a result of a fraud risk assessment.

David Stulb, the joint leader of Ernst & Young’s global fraud investigations and dispute services practice says businesses who pursued opportunities in exciting emerging markets such as South Africa, needed to be aware of the greater risk.

“Proper anti-fraud measures will greatly reduce the risk and allow senior management to focus on growing the business,” Stulb says.

Recently it was reported that 100 percent of the respondents in a ISS survey had indicated that they were willing to pay a bribe in order to avoid a traffic fine. The survey also found that 73 percent of the respondents paid bribes so that they would not to have to pay their water and electricity accounts.

Some 72 percent of the respondents admitting to have paid a bribe to have their telephones installed, and 65 percent paid bribe money to customs officials.

Altogether 51 percent paid bribes where pensions were concerned, 52 percent to obtain housing, and 55 percent to buy drivers' licenses.

Professor Charl Cillers, of the University of South Africa’s Criminology Department, says around 80 percent of offenders who are released from jails will eventually land up behind bars again.

“There is a lack of sufficient rehabilitation projects and most importantly there are not enough jobs,” he says.
It is very difficult to teach self control, he says, when there are so few jobs on offer and when poverty is so widespread.

"Criminals believe they have to steal if they want to live. It’s a never ending story."

Cilliers says most offenders are “unteachable” especially juveniles. Jails, he says, are becoming universities of crime.

“In jail a criminal can learn all the latest tricks.”

Willie Hofmeyr, head of the Special Investigative Unit and chief of the National Prosecuting Authority's Asset Forfeiture Unit said recently that investigations had showed that between six and eight percent of South Africans, or nearly two million people, were asked to pay bribes for services rendered by the government.

"Corruption is still a very serious problem in South Africa," Hofmeyr said.

Hofmeyr believes that criminals see going to jail at some point almost as an occupational risk.

“As long as they know that when they come out of jail they will be well-off and while they are in jail their families will be well-looked after.”

Hofmeyr, who has called for stiffer sentences for criminals, is known for encouraging the television news and photographers to show footage of crying family members. He believes that making the experience of being arrested as unpleasant as possible will be a deterrent.

Former gang member Allan Heyl, who spent more than 20 years behind bars for a spate of bank robberies carried out along with police captain Andre Stander in the 1980s, says it is up to people to decide whether they were going to be criminals or not.

“We decide whether we are going to be law abiding citizens and it begins with simple choices, like fastening a seatbelt.”

Its not only crime and fraud where South African society has a lack of self control.

Russell Michaels the spokesman for the Financial Services Board (FSB) says a lack of self control is one of the main reasons why more and more are falling into financial difficulties.

“Access to credit is so much easier these days, so more and more people are over extending themselves and running into financial difficulty,” he says. People need to prioritise their needs and wants.

“People have to be able to differentiate between basic needs and wants, but most want to keep up with consumerism at any cost.

Michaels says the FSB has consumer education programmes in place where people are taught financial literacy skills, such as financial planning and budgeting. The FSB also backs initiatives such as the national savings week.

But it will take many years for the new culture of saving to take root.

“It will take at least a generation before the work goes through. We have to go through a process of unlearning. We have to teach the teachers. They have to teach the children, who have to teach parents. We have to create a whole new culture.”

The figures show that restraint is lacking in South African society and most experts believe that the only way to reach people is through churches and media campaigns such as Heartlines.

The Hindu Mahabathra poem says that a man who is without self-restraint always suffers misery. “Such a man brings upon himself many calamities all born of his own faults,” the poem says.

Religion might just be the way to teach South Africans self control. – Heartlines Features

SELF-CONTROL IS A DIFFICULT, but says Shaun Pollock, it is critical in sport as it is in every other part of life. He shared his thoughts on this important value with Karien Jonckheere.

Sport has produced its fair share of controversies.

There was Hansie-gate for example, and more recently Zinedine Zidane’s World Cup final antics which brought violence in sport into the spotlight again after incidents such as Mike Tyson biting a chunk out of Evander Holyfield’s ear or Johan le Roux doing the same to Sean Fitzpatrick on the rugby field. Why is it that some sportsmen seem to lose their cool while others manage to keep themselves in check?

One man who seems to get things right most of the time is cricketer Shaun Pollock who is not only the country’s leading wicket taker but also one of SA’s favourite sports role models.

Since making his debut in 1995, he had donned South African colours 233 times in One Day Internationals and 94 times in Tests before the start of the current series against Sri Lanka. But despite his success, Pollock reckons there is more to life than cricket. And how you react to trials on and off the field is largely a result of what values have been instilled in you from a young age.

But it is not always easy.

“It can be difficult at times. I think that playing for your country amplifies your emotions. There’s a huge crowd and your adrenaline is pumping. And in those sorts of situations you need to exercise as much self control as you can because obviously you’re excited about being out there,” he explained shortly before heading to Sri Lanka last month.

“In terms of performance, you probably fail about 80 per cent of the time in that you don’t take five wickets or make 100 but you need enough self-control to evaluate the situation and to control your emotions.

“Being a Christian has helped immensely with that because I have been able to realise that cricket is not the be all and end all. There is more to life. But obviously it can become difficult at times. If you get out and are really frustrated, you can sometimes overreact but often it’s not just that dismissal you are reacting to. It could be selection pressure or a combination of a lot of other things.”

Pollock used the example of disgraced French soccer captain Zidane to illustrate his point. Zidane’s illustrious career was brought to an abrupt end when he was red-carded in the World Cup final (a match that was supposed to have been his glorious swansong) for head-butting Italian Marco Materazzi
in the chest.

“There is no way that it was just one comment that he was reacting to on the night,” reckoned Pollock. “I think it was probably a build up of many things, maybe stuff that was said during the course of the tournament, or the pressure of the final or the fact that he was retiring afterwards.

“Obviously it’s still important to still exercise self-control in those situations though and be a role model for the kids.”

Having just become a father for the second time – his wife Trish gave birth to their second daughter on July 21 – Pollock believes a child’s upbringing is vital in how they learn to deal with a test of their self control.

“I think it’s all about how you have grown up and been brought up and also if you have shown self control during your career. If you get out in a match and head back to the changeroom, you want to show the guys that you’re disappointed but you don’t do anything stupid. You need to learn how to deal with it and I think that goes along with maturity and experience.

“I think if you’ve grown up with the right values, you have a better chance of knowing how to deal with it better,” he said.

While Pollock has a clear picture of the correct way to conduct himself, he will be the first to admit that he hasn’t always been able to stick to it.

“I can’t think of too many times on the cricket field where I’ve messed up badly but there are examples in everyday life in the way you deal with people and certain situations where you realise afterwards you could have done it differently,” he said.

“But even with celebrations after you’ve taken a wicket, sometimes you can overreact, give someone the hairy eyeball and punch in their direction. Your emotions are high, adrenaline is pumping and you get swept up in it all but you see it on TV afterwards and it looks really stupid.”

There haven’t been too many occasions when the former SA captain could be faulted for his on-field behaviour but back in 2003 he was fined his entire match fee for showing dissent after an unsuccessful appeal in a one day game against Pakistan in Faisalabad. In 2000, both he and New Zealander Craig McMillan were docked part of their match fees for a “verbal exchange” during a Test in Bloemfontein.

But the examples are few and far between.

On the other hand, perhaps the most famous example of a cricketer whose indiscretions were far greater and eventually highly publicised is that of the late Hansie Cronje whose actions rocked the country after it emerged that he had been involved with Indian bookies.

“Hansie was a very disciplined person and worked hard at what he did,” reckoned Pollock who was thrust into the position of captain when Cronje was removed from the national team after the revelations were made in 2000. “He just seemed to have a weakness, which was a desire to obtain more wealth. At the time it obviously didn’t seem like too much of a big issue for him, what he was doing, but looking back he regretted it.

“I think if you are not constantly conscious of what’s going on, things like that can get away from you.

Having the right values helps you to stand the test of time. Being a Christian, I read the bible and those are the values I want to cling to and try to obtain and live by. We’re all human though and we make mistakes but we need to admit them and apologise and try to rectify the situation.

“It takes a big man to do that and that’s what Hansie did. I think although he’s taken a lot of criticism, one of the positives to have come out of that situation was that he came clean and admitted his mistakes while a lot of others have just kept quiet and got away with it.”

Aiming to rectify mistakes and to establish and live by a solid set of values is what Pollock believes can build a better nation.

“When we were growing up there were always a lot of discussions at school about what was morally right and wrong but as a society I think we have moved a bit away from that and it seems that anything goes,” he said. “I think the more that organisations and institutions and people discuss values, the better chance we have in life and the better our country can be.” _ Heartlines Features

MORE THAN 50 PERCENT OF SOUTH AFRICANS ARE UNDER 24 YEARS OLD, official statistics say. They exert as great an influence on our rapidly transforming society, as society exerts on them.

A recently-released government study also says that young South Africans are increasingly turning to drugs and alcohol to deal with their problems, or just for fun. Sharon Davis asked a few young South Africans flirting with celebrity what their views were on drugs, alcohol, sex and corruption. Here is what they had to say.

Drugs
The issues of drug use and abuse was summed up simply by Eeshaam September, popular DJ for Cape Town’s Radio Good Hope, when he said, ”I can understand circumstances that could lead to people trying drugs – but it’s pretty much a no-brainer!”

September has never used drugs but he knows people who use it recreationally and he knows people who are addicted. “I would say that the best advert for not taking drugs is to know someone who is addicted to drugs. I don’t know one drug taker who functions at 100 percent – there is an element of consciousness that is compromised, even for recreational users,” he said.

Nkuli Sibeko, one of South Africa’s up and coming actresses, and one of six co-leads in the sitcom City Ses’la on SABC 1 said, “Besides being really unhealthy, drugs is also a waste of money.” Her advice was to go out an buy a some shoes. “You get the same kind of rush when you spend money,” she said.

For Durban-based South African K4 canoeist, Matthew Bouman, who is training seriously for the next Olympics, drugs use is a serious issue. He said, “I’ve never touched them; never will. But a lot of my friends do. My bother has been in rehab for six months and there’s a hell of a lot of people in this town who are on drugs.”

But for Bouman as a serious sportsman it’s not that simple. “The real test for me comes with performance enhancing drugs. There are times when they are extremely tempting. The temptation is ridiculous sometimes… and the realisation that most people are on them is very disappointing. But I’ve got this far without the use of performance enhancing drugs, and the use of drugs goes against why I do sport. For me it’s a personal challenge to do my best,” said Bouman.

“If I was just trying to win a race I would have taken drugs – but if I did I would let my friends and myself down. We talk about it a lot. I’m anti-doping – it’s considered cheating,” he said.

Alcohol
“With the discipline behind sport I’ve never had a problem with drink,” said Bouman who does drink occasionally, but not when he is in serious training, like he is now focusing on the world Championships. “It is at least six months since I had a drink and I won’t have one for the next two. I don’t break the rules I set – I’d only be letting myself down,” he said.

September does not drink alcohol at all. It is against his religion as a Muslim, but Sibeko suggests drinking in moderation. “I have a glass of wine with my supper, and I enjoy drinking with my friends,” said Sibeko. “But I want to keep my liver working – so I’m careful what I drink, and how much.”

Sex
“Religiously, both in the Muslim and Christian faiths, pre-marital sex is a no-no,” said September. “But it happens anyway. The way that marriage is perceived has changed. I believe that if you are an adult and fully cognisant of the implications; its your choice,” he said.

“As far as kids having sex goes… Part of me knows that it happens, and part of me wants to pretend that it doesn’t. I think it is stupid. Kids don’t understand all the factors involved,” said September. He added, “Casual sex is just not smart. Beyond any moral or religious considerations, considering the global climate as far as disease is concerned, you take your life into your hands. There is no such thing as safe sex even if you are using protection.”

Bouman expressed more liberal views. “I don’t have a problem with pre-marital sex, and I do have casual sex, but I’m responsible about it,” he said.

“I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment, but I am a 100 percent believer that you do not cheat on somebody when you are in a relationship. And that definition is quite broad, it includes doing anything that you know will upset the other person. I believe in honesty and fairness,” said Bouman.

“I don’t believe in the whole wait until you get married thing,” said Sibeko. “But I do believe in having sex with one exclusive partner when you are in a relationship – and if you’re single… don’ sleep with everyone! Be selective, careful and safe.”

Corruption
The recent socio-macro report also highlighted “an element of greed in a society which in order ‘to make it’ is defined in terms of conspicuous riches, irrespective of whether these are obtained by hook or by crook”. Here are some views on honesty in business and commercial crime.

“It’s very easy for people to be mercenary in industry,” said September. “But personally I have a set of family and friends whose respect I would like to retain and this stops me from doing things that I perceive as wrong. I would also feel particularly bad about it –and that makes it impossible for me to do.”

“I believe in going for what you want,” said Sibeko. “But we live in the world with other people and you can’t go stepping on them.” – Heartlines Features