GENUINE FORGIVENESS IS FOLLOWED BY VISIBLE ATTEMPTS TO CORRECT PAST WRONGS, writes HEARTLINES Patron Rev Dr Mvume Dandala, as South Africans embark on a public conversation about values.

In 1986 – at a time of enforced segregation in the country – I witnessed one of the most profound examples of the power of forgiveness. In spite of potentially dangerous repercussions a decision was taken by our church to couple black and white ministers and send them into segregated congregations. The programme was called ‘Malihambe’ (Let the Word spread) - a phrase coined by the early missionaries to encourage their new Xhosa converts to pass on the Christian Gospel. 

One white minister who had never been into a township, was visiting a home in which a young child was blind. As he took it into his arms, he asked the mother whether the child had been blind from birth. He was shattered when she replied that as a baby, a stray bullet fired by the security police had hit it in the head. The stark realisation that he was holding a symbol of the evil system rendered the minister speechless.

“It was a white policeman who did this” the mother said, “but the only way I can continue to live, is to forgive.  If I don’t, how will I live with and face all the white people around me?”

The same two ministers moved on to a white congregation where they were confronted by an extremely bitter woman who hated all black people  because her great, great grandfather had been killed in the battle of Blood River.  The story had been passed down the generations with the instruction that it should never be forgotten. The white minister listened and eventually told her the story of the mother of the blind child.

At the end, he asked her whether she thought that that mother should ensure that the tragic story was passed down to subsequent generations. Deeply moved and weeping, the woman answered: “the story of my grandfather stops with me today”.

During the early ‘nineties’ before the dawn of democracy I had the privilege of being invited to facilitate in highly volatile situations between IFP and ANC hostel residents on the then East Rand (Ekhuruleni).  It was a time when people killed one another with impunity, as if they were animals.

At the first meeting at the Pioneer Hall in Turffontein, tense and facing extremely aggressive leaders from both sides, I silently prayed for calm. Surprisingly, when I asked what was expected of me, I was requested to open with a prayer, which I did and then nervously wondered, what next?

They asked firstly that ground rules be established. It was agreed that the main issues should be addressed without apportioning blame. “We want you to help us find peace, but don’t try and make us what we are not, we are IFP and ANC,” this was my next instruction and I wasn’t about to argue!

Having got everything out in the open about the war between them, there was dead silence. The air bristled with tense expectation of what should happen next. “What would you tell us if we were in church?” someone piped up.  Now on familiar ground I said that I would tell them to move around and share the peace with each other – an age-old tradition in which congregants shake hands and say ‘the peace of the Lord be with you’.

I still want to weep when I think of what followed.  Those proud, big, burly men some of whom had come from the same villages, had been living and working together - all the while engaged in a bitter battle - now crossed the divide of their political laagers and, in true African tradition hugged and looked each other in the eye. Loud talk erupted in the hall as enquiries were made after the well being of mutual friends and relatives - some of whom may even have died at the hand of the enquirer!

This is God’s way and it characterised our efforts in those meetings to achieve forgiveness. It worked in the most amazing way and my hair still stands on end when I tell the story of how these men – most of whom had never seen the inside of a church - became prophets of peace and champions of forgiveness.

The truth is that for centuries we have hurt each other. But, even though the wounds may still be raw and run deep, the willingness to forgive and the hope for peace are alive in the hearts of many who wish to see South Africa become a beacon of hope to others.

To those who are impatient and wonder with growing irritation how many times forgiveness must be sought before it is eventually accepted, in the religious tradition from which I come, the answer is ‘seventy-times-seven’.   As South Africans from once divided communities around the country are seen to be working together in tangible ways to restore what has been lost, the process can only be accelerated.

A living and powerful example comes out of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. A former member of the security branch went back and apologised to villagers in Trustfeed near Pietermaritzburg whom he had once terrorised. It didn’t stop there - his apology was authenticated by his decision to remain in the community and work with the people to improve the quality of their lives.

The time must come when, as we say in my language: “Madoda masiphose ngasemva” (let us take this thing that is a stumbling block in our relationship and throw it behind us and pursue peace and a new life together).  This is forgiveness.

In my current work at the All Africa Conference of Churches in Nairobi, I see so much hurt that people have inflicted on each other throughout our continent. The devastating genocide against the Tutsi people in Rwanda; the countless people – including children – whose limbs have been hacked off by rebel forces in the civil war in Sierra Leone; the unimaginable pain of Ugandan parents whose children have been abducted from schools, never to be seen again, by members of the Lord’s Resistance Army.

Can these people ever be expected to forgive?  The truth of the matter is that without forgiveness, there is no future for Africa.

Genuine forgiveness is followed by visible attempts to correct past wrongs.

Rev Dr Mvume H Dandala is General Secretary of the All Africa Conference of Churches in Nairobi, former Presiding Bishop of the Methodist Church of Southern Africa and the recipient of the Presidential Order of the Baobab for his peace-making role in the country.

ADRIAN VLOK, THE AGEING FORMER MINISTER OF LAW AND ORDER, HAS BEEN IN THE SPOTLIGHT FOLLOWING HIS RITUALISTIC APOLOGY TO REVEREND FRANK CHIKANE. Once one of the most hated men in South Africa, he now just wants his apparent change of political consciousness to be understood. He spoke to Helen Grange this week.

By Helen Grange

He was despised by millions in the late 1980s, the height of his power.

The name “Adriaan Vlok”, like that of then Defence Minister Magnus Malan and ex-president PW Botha, became synonymous with the most callous face of apartheid.

There seemed to be no end to the calculated, often surprisingly malicious, police and military attacks on anti-apartheid activists, and they were laid mostly at the door of these three men.

Yet for years they and the rest of PW’s cabinet brazened it out, arrogantly defying the whole world in their determination to entrench their racist ideology.

Today, Adriaan Vlok is barely recognisable as the old Minister of Law and Order.

Almost obsequious in his demeanor, he’s charming and unerringly polite, his still sharp blue eyes searching for a friendly reception in everyone he meets.

One year short of his 70th birthday, this once feared politician has re-emerged from a reviled era with a startling – many say absurd – gesture; washing the feet of Rev Frank Chikane, victim of one of his police force’s more inventive plots to kill.

The act has been received with deep suspicion and derision, yet Vlok remains absolutely convinced of the validity and sincerity of his actions, done solely in the name and duty of his Christian faith.

“I actually feel very uncomfortable about the publicity,” he says coyly. “It was a deeply personal thing for me, you know.”

For a week the symbolic cleansing ritual has dominated the media, making news as far as the US and the UK. The story resonates on many levels, historic reconciliation, personal atonement, the power of forgiveness, extraordinary biblical ritual.

But for the ageing Vlok, apparently, it hasn’t been a pleasant business at all.

Lack of media context to his decision has robbed it of meaning, and critics have been venomous and derisory.

In the face of it all, he seems for the most part perplexed. Occasionally, however, the old Law and Order Minister is back, with the retort:  “My critics have no idea of the inner spiritual journey that I undertook to get to this point!”

On July 28, 1994, Corrie Vlok put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger. It was three months after South Africa’s historic transition to democracy and her husband had just retired.

Vlok was looking forward to quietly slipping away from public life and settling them both at the coast, content in the belief that he’d “done his job”.

“But the Lord stopped me in my tracks,” he says. “I asked myself ‘why, after all these years struggling together, has this happened?’”

Corrie had indeed been a loyal and supportive wife, often rallying support for the mothers of troopies across the border. But in truth she was battling clinical depression.

“She’d struggled with it for 20 years,” Vlok reveals.

Strangely, he turns to euphemism for further elucidation.

“It was difficult for her to be guarded day and night,” he says, then adds, eliminating her from the picture: “I had threats from both the left and the rightwing in those years. One night we were asleep in our Cape Town home when I got a call at 2.20am. The person said it was the Cape Town city morgue and there was a body there connected to our number. Our son was at boarding school at the time and he also had to be guarded everywhere he went. I got such a shock when that happened.”

At the same time Cornelia died, the Truth and Reconcilliation Commission (TRC) had started its amnesty proceedings, and the grieving Vlok – while his former colleagues turned their back on the process, took his sudden widowhood as a signal from God that it was time for an internal inventory.

He applied for amnesty for his part in the bombing of Cosatu House and Khotso House in Johannesburg, as well as a series of blasts at cinemas where the film Cry Freedom was being shown in the 1980s.

“I used the Bible as a guideline,” he says. “Many of my old colleagues advised me not to apply, told me I had just done my job. But I had started on that road, and once you do, God just draws you closer and closer …”

OPTIONAL
These bombings belie the extent of Vlok’s reign of terror at the time, however.

His ministry was responsible for the detention of an estimated 30 000 people, with as many as 15 000 being held at one time during the declaration of the state of emergency in 1985.

It was Vlok who in 1988 announced the restriction of 17 extra-parliamentary organisations and at the end of 1989, sensational allegations emerged about police hit squads, which had possibly murdered more than 100 political activists.

Vlok, who was also responsible for administering the controversial national security management system (NSMS), was almost certainly in the loop concerning many atrocious human rights crimes, although he has said a lot went on – in lower police ranks - without him knowing about it.

And although his gesture to Rev Chikane has been linked to Chikane’s clothes being laced with poison in the 80s, Vlok has admitted no direct knowledge of the incident.

He has yet to answer for a host of these crimes, and still today avoids any indicting detail about the role he played.

Judiciously, perhaps, as the Government has set out new guidelines for amnesty applications and there is good reason to believe Vlok may have to go through the process again – with the possibility of prosecutions should guilt be assertained, his appeal for Rev Chikane’s forgiveness notwithstanding.

Vlok’s apparent change of political consciousness dovetails neatly with the turning tide during the early 1990s, and he accompanied FW de Klerk through the pre-transitional phase as Minister of Correctional Services.

Yet despite the profound ideological implications of his career, and questions around his personal political transition, Vlok still regards it as a “job I did”, explaining:  “I was raised believing in Apartheid. The church ministers were preaching it. I was part of that system and I didn’t question it.”

At most, he offers. “I believed in the proposed Government of National Unity. I still think it’s a pity it never worked out.” TO HERE

With the moral support of his second wife Antoinette, who he met two years after Cornelia’s death, Vlok emerged from the TRC’s amnesty hearings a free man, and had a far clearer idea of the impact of his decisions on the activists he spent years oppressing.

He’d had direct contact with mothers, sisters, wives who’d lost loved ones.

Nonetheless, he quietly moved on with his life and had no intention of taking further steps to rectify past wrongs.

Until he was contacted two years ago by a group of 10 women from Mamelodi who’d lost their loved ones in the struggle, and asked to come and speak to them.

“I told their representative Bridget Hess it was too dangerous for me to go to Mamelodi, because they hated me, but I went, and I saw their anger,” he recalls.

The women wanted to meet one of the perpetrators and Vlok arranged a meeting via General Johann van der Merwe, the previous Commissioner of Police. But van der Merwe was cold, he says. “It wasn’t a good meeting.”

Then on July 3 this year, Vlok saw a column by Pretoria pastor Stephan Joubert in Beeld newspaper referring to the ritual of foot washing as a metaphor for freeing oneself from pain.

Vlok had been thinking about Reverend Chikane, whom he’d known since the TRC hearings, and he came immediately to mind again when he read the piece. “But it was the first time I’d ever thought about washing anyone’s feet,” he says.

On July 18, Vlok bought a little biblical book called “Saam met Petrus op pad”, wherein again the author discusses feet washing, which in the Bible symbolises the abandonment of pride, egoism, selfishness and any perception of superiority over another.

“The Lord was showing me clear indicators of what I should do,” Vlok reasons, the triumphant smile of a reborn Christian panning his face.

It wasn’t easy getting hold of the Reverend Chikane however. Vlok had been trying for weeks, leaving messages with the minister’s personal assistant.

On July 31, Vlok again phoned Chikane’s office and asked if he could come and see him. That morning he’d heard his usual service on Radio RSG by Rev Willie Goosen, whose sermon was from John 13, verse 14 and 15, which deals with the feet washing ritual, and he decided to go out to Macro and buy a plastic basin and two fresh towels.

He got a Bible and wrote in it: “I have sinned against the Lord and you. Please forgive me”.

The next day, at exactly 4.05pm, Thandi called. “How fast can you get here?” she said. “I will keep the reverend here until 5pm for you.”

Vlok jumped in his car and drove like the wind. “I got there in an hour from my house in Centurion to the Union buildings, in the rain,” he says.

Once in Chikane’s office, though, with his basin and towels secreted in his bag, Vlok wasn’t at all sure he was going to go through with his resolution.

“The atmosphere wasn’t good. He was rushed for his next appointment,” says Vlok. “He also had his assistant Lofiso there, and I felt uncomfortable. I was sitting there thinking: ‘Am I going to do this? Will people say I’m a fool?”

But he bit back his pride, gave Chikane the Bible and read the inscription out loud. To the puzzled reverend, he then declared his intention.

“You want to wash my feet?” Chikane said. “Yes,” Vlok replied.

“He looked amazed. It was a defining moment for me. We discussed it a little more and I told him I  want to be cleansed. I took out my basin and towels, poured in some water went over to him. ‘You came prepared!’ Chikane remarked.”

The reverend took off his shoes and socks and Vlok sprinked water over his feet, then dried them with his towel. Chikane took hold of Vlok’s hand and prayed for him.

In the days that followed, Vlok heard nothing, and he was happy to let the event pass unrecorded by history.

But the overwhelmed Chikane couldn’t keep it in, and decided to tell his congregation about Vlok’s extraordinary gesture.

Since then, Vlok has attended Chikane’s church, tearfully making peace with members of the congregation.

A rash of publicity has ensued, and the old Minister says he’s overwhelmed with messages from all over the world on his phone.

“I have no administration anymore. I’m 12 years retired, so it’s all a bit confusing,” he says.

But beyond the sensation, how deeply did Vlok think his actions through?

Again he turns to Christian teaching, this time knitting his eyebrows over an earnest philosophical gaze: “You know, it was tricky talking about Apartheid and I thought a lot about it, about what the root sin was. I concluded it was a lack of love. Love thy neighbour as you would love yourself, Jesus said. We didn’t do that. We loved ourselves more. We felt ourselves to be more superior. And many people, still today, haven’t understood the meaning of this.”

He seems genuinely convicted to this revelation, and it was largely to this end that he washed Rev Chikane’s feet, he confides.

But is he going to go further, in the brittle world of the here and now, to repair the substantial damage done?

He says he continues to help the Mamelodi mothers in whatever way he can, but can “only do what is in my means”.

“It is in my nature to help people. I helped many in my constituency when I was in government. I don’t have money to spare, but I do support a family and I will help to find a person a job. I will go and buy them a loaf of bread. I will do what I can.”

To the critics who suspect Vlok is a man seeking opportunistic absolution as he faces his dying years, he retorts: “I am no dying man! Look at me!”

He looks at his watch. It’s ten minutes fast, a habit of decades. A red cloth bracelet encircles his wrist, with the letters: W S J D, standing for ‘Wat sal Jesus doen?’

It’s a reminder to act in Christian conscience every moment of the day.

If Vlok is as healthy as he seems, he’ll hopefully have ample time to prove the merit of these words, and simultaneously act out the meaning of his foot washing ritual. – Heartlines Features

WASHING OF FEET A BIBLICAL GESTURE

By Helen Grange

Former law and order minister Adriaan Vlok's recent request for forgiveness from Frank Chikane, director-general of the Presidency, by washing the reverend's feet, has attracted widespread media attention - mostly because it is an extraordinary symbolic act.

Some even find it bizarre in this day and age.

But what exactly is the religious meaning of this biblical gesture, and how does Vlok himself understand it?

When he visited Chikane at the Union Buildings, the one-time apartheid hawk handed the reverend a Bible with the message "I have sinned against the Lord and against you, please forgive me (John 13.13)" on its cover.

During the visit, he and Chikane talked about the significance of washing someone else's feet.

"It is about giving up my pride, my own self, my superiority, my uncharitable attitude and selfishness," he explains.

"Through my life I set a bad example for many people. Today I am deeply humbled and grateful for the opportunity, after the example of my saviour Jesus Christ, to set a better example to others."

The 69-year-old former police minister says that the scriptures in John 13, verse 15, is what gave meaning to his act.

Here, Jesus knelt down and washed his disciple Peter's feet at the Last Supper. Peter, one of Jesus' most affectionate disciples, denied the Lord at the 11th hour. Peter initially objected, but Jesus - even with prior knowledge of Peter's betrayal -warned the disciple he would have "no part in Him" if he didn't allow his feet be washed.

The lesson within this scripture is just as Jesus humbled himself to Peter, so we must humble ourselves to one another.

Vlok says he has thought deeply about his actions during apartheid, and carried the burden of sin against his fellow man for years.

But it was only when he read a column by Pretoria pastor .... in Beeld on July 3, referring to Jesus'  foot washing ritual, and later saw an article in a biblical book called 'Saam met Petrus op Pad', also referring to it, that it became clear what he had to do.

Fortuitously, Vlok also heard a sermon by Rev Willie Goosen on RSG radio, also referring to this scripture, the day before Rev Chikane's office summoned him to come.

"All the pointers were there," he smiles. He got a copy of the New Testament and wrote his message to Chikane, then packed a small basin, two towels and drove to Rev Chikane's office, where the ritual took place.

It was an opportunity, he says, to do what Jesus did and "abandon superiority, abandon egoism, not put myself first".

"I hurt people to enforce Apartheid, I know, but what was the kernel of the sin of Apartheid?" he asks rhetorically.

"I resolved that it was lack of love. Love your neighbour as you would love yourself. We did not do that. I loved myself more, and that's why I was living with such anxiety until now."

The act of washing Chikane's feet served to "get rid of lovelessness for my fellow human beings", he says, adding: "We live in a 'me me me' world. I say get rid of it. Humble yourself."

Vlok has since been overwhelmed by the reaction to his gesture, and the reconcilliations and discussions it has sparked. 

But he understands it as God's way of using this event, however derided, for the greater good.

"I'll never forget a saying I heard at school. 'A Christian in small things is no small Christian," Vlok smiles. "The Lord works in mysterious ways." – Heartlines Features

FORGIVENESS – Alan Jacobs on forgiving chances denied

Apartheid robbed thousands of top-class South African athletes the opportunity of representing their country. And while some have had to simply accept that fact and move on with their lives, one such athlete’s journey to forgiveness has been made slightly easier by the fact that his son has now been afforded the opportunities he never had. Alan Jacobs spoke to Karien Jonckeere about real forgiving.

Alan Jacobs admits it took him many years to let go of the resentment he harboured, having missed out on wearing green and gold on the hockey field. Having represented Western Province in the highly segregated hockey arena for 12 years (eight as captain), he had the talent that could have taken him to an Olympics or World Cup. But instead he had to realise that dream through his son, Bruce, who is currently the captain of the SA men’s hockey team.

“Personally I know that I could have made it at international level and so I was very angry that I didn’t get the chance but I hoped that one day my children would,” explained Jacobs, who is now 54 and works as a mechanical engineer in Cape Town.

“I have managed to get over that anger. It took a long time though. Up until a few years ago I was still very bitter about it. But I have forgiven now. That’s the only way you’re going to move on. You have to let go to move forward and work together to make things right by forgetting the past.

“That doesn’t mean I’ve completely forgotten – it’s always something that’s in the back of your mind,” he added.

“Two to three years ago I was still very upset about it – that I never got the opportunities because of the Apartheid years. I think my life would have been very different, not only sportswise but also in business if I had the same opportunities that my children have.

“And even at this stage coloured and black players have to work so hard to achieve at the highest level. The playing fields should be level by now but they don’t seem to be and it’s not just in hockey – it’s in rugby and everything.” 

Jacobs stopped playing hockey just a few years before unification of the separate hockey bodies but continued to be involved in the sport, serving as a selector for the SA under 21 side for three years and also as convener of selectors for Western Province. But in 2000 came one of his proudest moments when his son was selected for the SA team. And in late 2004 it got even better when Bruce was chosen as the team captain (the SA hockey team’s first captain of colour) to lead the side at the Africa Cup and then the Commonwealth Games.

“A lot has been made up for with him having the opportunity to play internationally and to go to events like the Olympics and Commonwealth Games. And I think it was important for me to forgive for my missed opportunities so I could focus on him and supporting him and his team,” reckoned Jacobs who travelled to Melbourne earlier this year to support his son at the Commonwealth Games.

As for Bruce, he is all too aware of the significance of his being able to represent his country.

“I knew that my father was good enough to play internationally during his time, but did not have the opportunity due to apartheid so it was very emotional for me to go to the Olympics. I basically lived his dream for him and that is why he felt so proud,” he reckoned.

“I will never forget where I come from and all the sacrifices my family had to make to give me all these opportunities.” – Heartlines Features

NO BLANKET FORGIVING IN BUSINESS

Is forgiveness important in business and are companies prepared to provide jobs to people who have committed and paid for their crimes? Stuart Graham put this question to two respected chief executives to get an employers’ perspective as Heartlines, a campaign to spark discussion about values, gathers steam.

Ex-convicts who are honest about their past mistakes can find work, but a clean track record it seems, remains imperative for those who hope to work in a mainstream company.

Grenville Wilson, chief executive of Logical Options, a company focused on training, recruitment and consulting, believes there is no reason why people “who stepped out of line” should not find work provided they are honest and do not try to hide the past.

“When I was younger I saw everything in black and white,” he says. “Now I believe every case should be considered on its merits. I read somewhere that there is no such thing as a bad or a good person, only a good or bad deed.”

“While once I felt little forgiveness, I have come to see that a person who has been guilty of a crime may not have been tempted to step out of line had the situation been different.”

He says if anyone in his own firm were to be accused of an indiscretion, he would check first to see if he/she had been properly ‘performance managed’. Lax management often led to the bending of rules which, in turn, could become a habit.

“If after the proper procedures were followed and the person was found guilty of a dismissible offence, he/she would be asked to leave,” he says.

While Wilson may adopt a zero tolerance attitude within his own company where the rules are known, he is more forgiving of people who have taken responsibility for their acts and are honest about their past.

“Again, I would look at the merits of the case,” he says. “For instance a wealthy man may forget to pay his maintenance and have to spend a night in jail. Provided the matter is sorted out, I would not hold that against him. On the other hand, I would not put anyone with a gambling problem in a position where it would be possible to commit fraud.”

Wilson believes many companies are not strict enough about checking CVs, many of which make false claims. Even telephone references are sometimes forged.

“Financial houses and banks impose very strict criteria before appointing anyone to their staff,” he says.

“I believe it is possible to employ anyone who is honest about his or her background. However, this rule is not always applied in some companies. Problems start when certain regulations have been laid down and inexperienced managers take these as the letter of the law instead of doing all the necessary reference checks and using their initiative.

“When someone has stepped out of line in the past it is necessary to be more careful. But there is no reason why, if he or she has the necessary skills and circumstances permit, a second chance should be denied.”

Keith Rankin, chief executive officer of Avis Car Rentals, would look at each case separately.

“We may be willing to overlook a crime where the person has been convicted for being in possession of drugs while a student, or someone has been caught for drunken driving, provided these have been one-off convictions,” he says. “After all, how many people haven’t experimented with drugs as youngsters, and who hasn’t driven a vehicle after consuming more than the legal limit of two beers? These are criminal offences, but the unlucky ones get caught.”

Because he sees the staff  – and shareholders -– of Avis as part of a large family, he admits he would be unlikely to employ anyone found guilty of rape, murder or fraud. The risk would be too great.

He sees, as his first responsibility, the people he has employed and would not willingly expose them to a hardcore criminal who might revert to his old habits.

In the same way, he takes seriously his responsibility to shareholders and would not willingly give a job to just anyone with a criminal record. In the final analysis, the responsibility  ­– not the company – is his.

“You might say we will forgive but we cannot forget,” he said. – Heartlines Features

BEING GOOD IS HUMAN, says Hasim Amla

By Bate Felix and Karien Jonckheere.

“For souls nobly born, valour doesn't await the passing of years,” said French dramatist Pierre Corneille in his play Le Cid.

He could well be describing Durban born cricketer Hasim Mahomed Amla who at the tender age of 23 has accomplished more on and off cricket grounds than most of his peers, but despite the fame and responsibility that this has brought, little has change in his personality.

Amla says he is still the same person because his life has mostly been shaped by values and guiding principles rooted in his up bringing as a devout Muslim.

“My values come from my faith, I try to practice my faith the best I can, keeping to the rules and teachings which are very simple and practical and which are beneficial to all who follow it,” he said.

 “To be honest I was initially disheartened to hear the comment and I was a bit shocked and confused that someone would put me into a stereotype like that.

“But he phoned me to apologise and sounded really sincere about it and so there are no hard feelings.

“It is the first time on or off the field that I have experienced something like this and I hope it will be the last. I suppose I could have reacted differently but I think my faith has had a huge part to play in my staying calm through it all.

“My parents always encouraged me to do the right thing and I haven’t always managed it but as a Muslim I have been encouraged to be forgiving and show mercy and compassion and hopefully if I show mercy and compassion, others will do the same for me.”

Amla was born in March 1983 and grew in Tongaat, north of Durban. Very early, it became evident that he was a gifted cricketer as he made it to local cricket teams at the tender age of 13.

He proved his mettle at the Durban High School, where he went through the various school ranks and then rose to national team levels, where he captained South Africa at the Under-19 World Cup in New Zealand in 2002. He also excelled in the A-team and finally got the call to join the Proteas at the age of 21.

The right-handed batsman made his test debut with the Proteas at the 2004 tour of India. Even though he had a disappointing performance and was letter dropped from the squad, Amla continued to work hard at club level with the Nashua Dolphins in Durban, and was rewarded for his hard work, discipline and leadership qualities with fantastic results that were followed by club captaincy.

But in all this, Amla remains the self-effacing person that he is, leaving it to other people to describe him. “To be honest, it is hard to describe myself, I would say that I am just an easy going person,” he says.

“He is a very balanced and matured person, very humble in his dealings and very religious,” says Cassim Docrat, CEO of Kwa Zulu Natal Cricket Union.

Docrat said it is for these qualities that he was named team captain. “He is a good leader and prefers to be a participant rather than a spectator, ever since he was a young lad, he has constantly shown these leadership qualities,” says Docrat.

Docrat added that what guides Amla, are values such as honesty, integrity and transparency, and at the end of the day; these are what matters most to him, than all the fame and everything else.

Amla says he does not care very much for the fame that has come with playing international cricket, even though it has brought popularity. To him, doing everything to the best of his abilities it what counts most.

Widely respect for his discipline and composure on and off the field, Amla said he also find his motivation in the fact that when he is at the crease, it is with the knowledge that he is there for 45 million South Africans, and that alone motivates him to be the best and play to the best of his ability.

Another facet of his personality was seen recently when he acknowledged Australian commentator Dean Jones’s apology for calling him a “terrorist”. “One guiding principle I live by,” says Amla “is to live harmoniously with everybody even those who hurt you”.

“It was easy to forgive him once I spoke to him and realised he was sincere in his apology,” says Amla

Of being a role model and an inspiration to younger people, Amla says that if it can influence them to the right choices, then its fine, but above all “they should let the Almighty always guide them,” he says. 

He said the only advice he can give them is to “keep good company, because one way or the other, we are influenced by our peers,” and also to stay out of trouble because even when we think no one is watching, the Almighty always is. – Heartlines Features

INDIVIDUAL SPORTS CAN BE PUNISHING. Each time you go out the spotlight is on you and your performance alone. Yet everyone loses some time. Khotso Mokoena spoke to Karien Jonckeere about the role forgiving yourself plays in getting back on top off and on the field.

Everything is perfect. You know your training has gone exactly to plan and your build-up to the competition has been flawless. All it takes now is for you to do what you have done every other day when it really counts. Perform.

And then for reasons you can’t fathom. Things go wrong. And the agonising part of it all is that you know you were more than capable of reaching that podium.

It’s a scenario that is faced by athletes, swimmers and anyone involved in individual sports. According to world junior triple jump champion Khotso Mokoena there comes a point where you simply have to forgive yourself in order to look ahead to the next opportunity you have to perform.

“I was in Oslo just the other day and things just didn’t go well. I made a lot of mistakes and afterwards I was very down on myself because I looked at what I was capable of and compared it with what I had done,” explained Mokoena.

“Then I realised I just had to go home, forgive myself and look where I had gone wrong. In an individual sport like athletics, sometimes it’s good to be hard on yourself but at some point you have to get yourself back together and say, ‘okay, I can do this thing’.”

Mokoena had to do just that at the Commonwealth Games earlier this year. He went into the long jump competition as one of the favourites for a medal, with a personal best of 8,27m in the event. But he could only manage a distance of 8,04m and was devastated to finish in fourth place. But, with the triple jump still to come, the Potchefstroom student picked himself up and focused on his next event, producing a 16,95m jump there to claim the silver medal.

“You have to get your emotions and your mind and everything in line with your body. You have to regroup and pull everything back together when things go wrong,” reckoned Mokoena.

“What I do is that I have to relax and pray about it and I read all the positive things that I’ve written down about myself.

“I think it’s a lot easier to forgive others. Sometimes with yourself it takes a while. I think the reason is that people are important – you need them around you and so you forgive them when they mess up. But sometimes I’m stubborn when it comes to forgiving myself.”

Mokoena’s willingness to forgive others was put to the test last year when he produced the biggest jump of his life with a record-breaking distance of 8,37m. But the officials on duty in Johannesburg that day used the incorrect type of measuring tape (a metal tape was supposed to be used) and as a result the record could not be ratified.

“It was actually really easy for me to forgive them,” said Mokoena of that fateful day. “I think I did that same day. Yes, it was the biggest jump of my life but I suppose they weren’t expecting any records that day or something. I suppose sometimes things like that happen to make you stronger.

“I think it’s very important to forgive in situations like that because you have to move on. You can’t live with a grudge – that’s not going to benefit anybody.” – Heartlines Features

FORGIVEN, NOT FORGOTTEN

Forgiving can be difficult, says songstres Mara Louw, but allows you to move on.

Helen Grange reports.

Within a couple of months of declaring Mara Louw to be his “soulmate” on a TV talk show, Bill Thompson became abusive towards his wife, calling her “fat and ugly”.

His real “soulmate” seemed to be the bottle, and he had little time for her outside of his local drinking hole.

Mara at the time was working relentlessly long hours. She had her show Muvhango, and was one of the judge’s on the panel of Idols.

She put on a brave face, but the continuing verbal abuse took a terrible toll on her self-esteem. “He was obsessed with my weight,” she recalls. “The things he said were so nasty they don’t bear remembering.”

Apart from the hurt, she felt deep disappointment that after 15 years of a mostly happy marriage, Bill seemed bent now on destroying it.

And in the end, he did. In 2003, Mara and Bill, the very first mixed race couple to get married after the old Immorality Act was scrapped, parted ways.

He had started a relationship with a woman much younger than him, and today Mara doesn’t even know where he is.

Yet in the last three years, despite the pain Bill caused her and the fact that he never said sorry, Mara says she’s forgiven him, reclaimed her dignity and moved on with her life.

But she hasn’t forgotten, and certainly hasn’t sanitised the memories.

“In fact, the only things I remember now are the bad things,” the 50-something songstress says. “It’s just that I’ve realised that it wasn’t about me, it was about him. And I decided I didn’t want to carry all that baggage around with me anymore.”

Mara’s journey will strike a chord in millions of people, and sadly, many have yet to break free from destructive relationships.

In the Heartlines film Crossroads featured on television recently, forgiveness is explored via the character Eliza, who is robbed of her brother because of someone else’s negligence and irresponsibility. Like Mara, she endures terrible grief and anger before she can forgive the man who caused her brother’s death.

Forgiveness is no easy journey, and in reality, many people cannot make the liberating transition this side of the grave.

In her extensive counselling, Dorianne has found that people with a generous emotional disposition can forgive more easily.

“Nelson Mandela is the essence of emotional abundance where forgiveness is concerned. And I’ve never been more touched by its power as when I met the parents of Amy Biel. These people have a spiritual presence and I find there’s no gap between what they’re saying and who they are. There is no defensive or critical energy, and that is very rare.”

Part of the forgiveness process is creating the space to gain perspective, but as Mara will testify, it’s not about forgetting or condoning their behaviour.

“It’s important to understand that forgiving someone isn’t about letting them off the hook,” says veteran psychologist Dorianne Weil (Radio 702’s Dr Dee).

“It’s about freeing yourself from anger and resentment that would otherwise fester and work its way into the fabric of your life with very detrimental effects.”

Even if you have no further dealings with the person who hurt you, there are little triggers in everyday life that can generate the same feelings and the resentment manifests again and again, she says. “Sometimes what we resist persists. So it’s healthier to forgive, and for many people, this means going to professional counseling.”

Belief in God is often a critical tool in people’s ability to forgive. The Biel parents believe it was not for them to forgive their daughter’s killers; it was only possible by the grace of God.

But there is no doubt about the personal effort involved.

In biblical teaching, the message is that to forgive others, we need to grasp just how much we need it ourselves. It’s about reflecting on your own flaws before judging others.

That said, and in South Africa where murder and violence is part of our society - the crime against us far outweighs any wrong we’ve done.

“I never want to underestimate a person’s pain,” says Bishop of the Highveld David Beetge. “I don’t think it’s simple at all to forgive, and certainly not automatic. But it’s an option so say, like Adriaan Vlok has done, ‘I can’t carry this any longer. I want to move on and clear the parking space, as it were’.”

Mara Louw has cleared the “parking space” that her ex-husband occupied. Her life isn’t perfect ­– “I do get lonely sometimes, and I’m probably over-cautious with new men” – but she’s a far healthier, more integrated person.

And that, the experts agree, is the payoff of forgiving. – Heartlines Features

YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE TO MOVE ON.

Natalie du Toit, star swimmer and role model, says forgiving has contributed to her phenomenal success. She spoke to Karien Jonckeere as Heartlines, a campaign to promote positive values, gathers steam.

By Karien Jonckeere.

Natalie du Toit’s life changed forever in February 2001, when a young woman drove into her scooter. She lost a leg.

It would have been perfectly understandable if Du Toit, who was just at the beginning of her international swimming career when the accident happened, gave up and wallowed in self-pity. But she chose a different path and says that her decision to forgive the other driver allowed her to move on to a different life – one which has produced the most phenomenal success.

Du Toit started swimming at the age of six, but it wasn’t until she joined top coach Karoly van Toros at age 14 that she realised she could make it internationally. Having already competed at the Commonwealth Games in 1998, Du Toit’s next dream was to go to the Olympics, and despite everything that has happened since then, it still is.

Du Toit recalls the day of the accident with intense clarity.

“In 2000 I just narrowly missed out on qualifying for the Sydney Olympics and I was a bit down about that, but I came back with a vengeance and was training really hard for nationals the following April so I could qualify for international events,” explains Du Toit.

“I had just come back from a competition on the Sunday afternoon and I had a biology test that Monday. I got back at about 4pm and was really tired so I went to sleep and woke up at 12 to study. “Then at 4am I got my school stuff and headed to the pool to train. I told my mom I was really tired and she suggested I go back to bed, but I was already dressed so I thought I might as well just go and got on my scooter.

“I trained for an hour or so and then on my way back a woman took a short cut through a parking lot and didn’t stop dead at the stop street and pulled out into me. She basically drove into my leg and I landed in a sitting position with my legs out in front of me.

“There wasn’t too much blood, but I saw what my leg looked like and I think I knew then already that I had lost my leg. It was broken in three places and my foot was one way, my knee one way and the rest of my leg one way.”

Du Toit’s leg had to be amputated above the knee and says that even as she lay in the hospital bed, all she wanted to do was get back in the pool. That she did just a few months later. By the following year she produced a stellar performance at the Commonwealth Games in Manchester where she won two gold medals in events for athletes with a disability. She then also went on to qualify for the final of the able-bodied 800m freestyle, later being named as the most outstanding athlete of the Games.

Since then, Du Toit has taken the Paralympics by storm, winning five golds in Athens in 2004. She has broken so many world records she has lost count. In addition she is in constant demand as a motivational speaker.

And it’s her upbeat attitude and positive outlook that has so inspired the thousands of people she has addressed.

“Obviously my life has changed dramatically, but a lot of good has come from it as well. I just had to realise that my life had changed and had to make the most of it,” reckoned Du Toit.

“The thing is, it could happen to anyone. It was a freak accident and I believe everything happens for a reason. I don’t have any bad feelings towards the woman who drove into me. She was very young and I just hope she learned from it. 

“I have never met her since then, but her parents once came to a talk I did and they spoke to me and then to my mom afterwards. Other than that, we haven’t had too much contact.

“I think it’s very important to forgive, otherwise you aren’t able to carry on in the future. If you dwell on the past the whole time, you just get yourself down and that’s depressing. You have to make the best of every situation.

“You have to move forward and forgive and hope that the person has learned something from the whole thing. Everyone is here to learn and bad things are going to happen. You don’t necessarily forget because that’s now part of my life and part of my story.” – Heartlines Features

SPORTS VOX POP ON FORGIVENESS

By Karien Jonckheere.

Questions asked:

1. Who is your sports role model?
2. If that role model messes up, should we forgive them or kick them while they’re down?
3. Is there still racism in sport?

Mlindeli Maneli (14), Soweto

1. Percy Montgomery
2. We should forgive them because what they do is for fun and they also make mistakes.
3. Yes, in rugby and in many places

Ryan Claasen (22), Eldorado Park

1. Ronaldo
2. We should forgive them because they are also human and deserve a second chance
3. Yes, in rugby and on provincial level in general in other sports too. There is also racism in cricket but not so much in soccer.

Ayanda Mkhize (14), Orlando Gardens, Soweto

1. Tiger Woods
2. Forgive them. They are only human and people make mistakes. We should focus on the positives.
3. Yes, there is some. In rugby there are too many white people who are like ‘Us boertjies grew up with rugby and boerwors’ and in soccer there are too many black people. They are picking people according to race.

Nablata Bhoola (53), Mayfair

1. Ronaldinho
2. They have to deal with a lot of pressure, tension and nerves so we should forgive them because we all make mistakes.
3. Not too much. Maybe only when it gets to the selection of national teams.

Bongani Tivana (21), Orlando

1. Ronaldinho
2. It depends on the mistake but not necessarily because no matter how good they are at soccer or whatever they must be judged the same as I would.
3. Not really but I only know about soccer

Caiphus Ndebele (35), South Hills

1. Any of the Chiefs players
2. I would forgive them if they did something wrong. They are human and make mistakes.
3. Yes. Cricket is getting better and rugby too but we have to get everyone interested in those sports to level the playing fields. Boxing has a mixture of black and white but it’s mostly black.

Michael Collocot (38), West Rand

1. Tiger Woods
2. If they take a humble approach and plead for forgiveness, we should. But it depends on their attitude and only if they are not arrogant.
3. I think so – in rugby and cricket to a lesser extent but it is getting better. It is improving as time goes by but it will take a while.

Thabo Tsotetsi (25), Khatlehong

1. Thierry Henry
2. They are human and make mistakes like anyone else so we should forgive them.
3. No, not really. I’m not sure about other sports codes but not in soccer.

Margaret Coxen (21), Turfontein

1. Shaun Pollock
2. Obviously we should forgive them
3. I have no idea. Probably not.

Lucky Manyama (49), Soweto

1. Jabu Pule, Makhaya Ntini
2. Forgive them. They are superstars so they deserve special treatment
3. Yes, in cricket and in golf. There aren’t equal opportunities for everyone

Darian Israel (24), Florida

1. Ronaldinho
2. I would first have to evaluate the situation and then decide.
3. Yes, mostly in rugby

Parshotam Chhiba (65), Lenasia

1. Roger Federer
2. If they repent and change their ways and prove they are worthy of forgiveness then we should but the circumstances should be taken into account because in the top echelons people try to get hold of you and you can be lured into something bad.
3. It’s been a very short time still so I think the playing fields are still not level yet. The underprivileged are still underprivileged.

Katleho Mmoto (19), Parktown

1. Nthabiseng Moabi
2. I would see what it was first and evaluate the situation but I don’t think I would forgive them.
3. Yes, in rugby mostly

Trenton Booth (28), Eldorado Park

1. Lance Klusener, Makhaya Ntini
2. If it was something really stupid I wouldn’t forgive but I would have to think about it.
3. There is most definitely racism in soccer.

Zakhe Chamane (16), Greenside

1. Luis Figo
2. Yes, everyone is human and deserves a second chance
3. Yes, especially in rugby

Nedia Faquir (37), Cape Town

1. Ronaldinho
2. Forgiveness is a process and it doesn’t come easily. It also depends what the situation is.
3. Racism is all over, in sport as well.

Sidwell Muthembi (25), Soweto

1. Jabu Pule
2. I think that everyone deserves a second chance so we should forgive them
3. Yes, in rugby

Tshediso Mamoto (23), Orlando West

1. Ronaldinho
2. I wouldn’t forgive them because they would be breaking the law.
3. There is not a lot of racism in sport but maybe a little in rugby.

Mohamed Karim (28), Robertsham

1. Juan Pablo Montoya
2. I would have to see what it was first before I forgave them.
3. Yes but rugby seems to be getting better and cricket seems to have enough players of colour to keep everyone quiet.

Frederick Ntshaba (24), South Hills

1. Thierry Henry
2. I would forgive him because he’s the best player. We have to remember that people make mistakes.
3. There are no blacks in rugby so there is definitely racism in rugby.

FORMER STAR ATHLETE ZOLA BUDD RECOUNTS HER DARKEST MOMENT ON THE TRACK and the strength it took to move on. As South Africans engage in a national conversation about values, Budd explains to Karien Jonckeere the role forgiving played in life.

It’s been almost 22 years since that fateful day when a young barefoot South African, running in the colours of Britain, made the headlines of almost every newspaper in the world.

While the memory of those articles and analyses have faded with time, the feeling of animosity exuded by a crowd of 90 000 fiercely patriotic Americans is not something that can be easily forgotten.

It has taken a concerted effort by Zola Pieterse (then Budd) to forgive, forget and move on with her life.

Speaking from her home in Bloemfontein, the former world record holder who recently turned 40 explained: “I try not to think about the LA Olympics anymore. Obviously there have been quite a few Olympics since then and time erases a lot.

“I have made a conscious effort to forget that one race and the way that I have done that is by filling my life with more important things like my three children,” she added.

Pieterse was held largely responsible for the American favourite for that 3000m title, Mary Decker, tripping and having her Olympic dream shattered. And while the South African has always maintained that she was not guilty of having tripped Decker (and an IAAF jury also found her not guilty), she was snubbed by the devastated American after the race.

“I never had bad feelings towards Mary. I think a lot of the bad feeling came from her side.” Part of the healing process after that incident came when Decker wrote Budd a letter later that year apologising for her attitude.

The letter from Decker, dated 2 December, 1984 (published in Budd’s autobiography) read:

“Dear Zola,

I’ve been wanting to write this letter to you for a long time. The reason I haven’t sent this letter before is because I was sure that you would not receive it personally.

I simply want to apologise to you for hurting your feelings at the Olympics. There are many reasons that people react the way they do at certain times in their lives and I’m sure you understand that was a very difficult time for me.

I’m sorry I turned you away after the race, it was a very hard moment for me emotionally and I reacted in an emotional manner.

I know that we do not know each other personally, but the next time we meet I would like to shake your hand and let everything that has happened be put behind us. Who knows; sometimes the fiercest competitors become friends.

Good luck in Phoenix, I hope you are fit and healthy and I am looking forward to competing with you in the summer.

Yours in sport,

(signed) Mary Decker”

“I was so involved with the political aspects of what was happening at the time but from an athlete’s point of view, that letter was very important. The following year we raced against each other quite often and the bad feeling was gone,” explained Pieterse.

Having been exploited by agents, coaches, the media and even family members during her controversial career, and then having to deal with the murder of her father and then a divorce from her husband earlier this year, Pieterse has had to deal with her fair share of ill-feeling but says she harbours no bitterness.

“Yes, I have forgiven the people who treated me badly during that time and have learnt from it and been able to move on to another life,” she reckoned.

“I think what I learnt from my whole experience is to persevere and it also taught me a lot about not making assumptions and forming strong opinions about people without getting to know them, to accept people for who they are and also about getting second third and fourth chances.

 “My life would have been totally different if I could have just represented South Africa. I wouldn’t have had so much of the personal stress or the political stress.

“It is very sad that generations of South Africans missed out. We had brilliant athletes in South Africa at that time who never got a chance, they were robbed of the opportunity to represent their country.”

“I am grateful that unlike so many other athletes, I got to compete internationally but it came at a very high cost.” – Heartlines Features